So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize