are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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