I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were trust falling into bushes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
