He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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