fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
