Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is Oprah even human
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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