dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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