So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
