what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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