I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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