u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
