dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
