she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
