whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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