I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
