You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize