You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
