I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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