I need help removing her.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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