on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
