Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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