so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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