On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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