i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
