this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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