I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
