I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
