im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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