Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
