I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
