Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
