I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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