I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want nice things and good sex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
