Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How's work?
Spinning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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