I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
