you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
