I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
