Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
