if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
