no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
