WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He kissed a someone with a penis
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
