he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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