Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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