Too much gin, very little bucket
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
