Got a toothbrush?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
