She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
