upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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