i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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