Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
