forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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