He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
