I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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