Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
