Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
