Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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